I cant believe its the end of June already ......its hard to believe Ive actually been in here like 3 months now and still am not even close to being settled. and this is where my next thought comes in ....I dont know if im supposed to be here. I just feel so unsettled and stressed and and i've been so emotional ....like just breaking down and crying uncontrollably....and the worst part is i dont know if its just attack from satan or if its punishment from God for makeing the wrong choice by coming here. and then that makes me feel like such an awful horrrible person ....cuz Susan really is the best roomate a person could have ever in life. so then that makes me feel worse....like what kind of position am i putting her in ......Im just sick of being miserable. and its crazy cuz ill have a good day and everything will be fine and then ill just have an awful day and just wanna go back home but i know i cant and i think that makes it worse. maybe im just having a bad case of missing my family .......i dont kno w..I just saw all these great visions for me moving here and that Id be soo much happier here than in kindersley and that id just have it made in the shade and be content and all that but the nagging thought is that i just didnt realize how great i had it in kindersley ......argh .....maybe its just cuz im soooo super tired ....im going on about 4 hours of sleep total for the last 3and half days. my body is not adjusting to the graveyard shift at all. not to mention I just feel like such a failure ..and I know that thats a lie from the devil ......but it just seems that all the signs point more towards that then me being a success. I konw that I shouldnt let circumstances and emotions run me .....i want the joy of the Lord truly i do and i want Him to be my strength and ive asked and asked for him to help me and im still just a sobbing mess sitting here in our kitchen......so I guess that leaves me with this ..Im gonna go eat some cereal and hopefully meet susan for coffee on her break...and then we'll see how the rest of the day goes. i know, as my mom always says when im feeling down , this too shall pass ...but i just wish it would already .......anyway I feel somewhat better or relieved now that i got that out...and susan if youre reading this please dont be offended ...you know that its totally not anything youve done...cuz you're awesome and im so thankful youve put up with me so far...jsut keep praying cuz i need it ....im hopeful that something will snap and be broken off my spirit and that i can get on with actaully enjoying this new season of my life. until then ..thanx for listening.
link | posted by Norma Jean at 1:18 PM