Seriously .......anybody? I can't beleive its been almost a month since i last posted on here. Where did that month go...I feel like a accomplished absolutely nothing .....and I hate that feeling ..it sucks. Its not that I've done "nothing" cuz I've done tonnes of stuff...too much really ....but its nothing of significance...its just stuff that i keep myself busy with so I can't say I'm bored and then I just tire myself out. I don't know......why is it that we feel like we have to DO all the time..do this do that etc....to be better people. I miss the good ol' days when it was exciting and a treat and something to look forward to months in advance when you were going on a trip or visiting reletives and now I find that for most people its just one more thing to squeeze into an already too crowded schedule and then its not a good quality visit ..its rushed and unenjoyable and you're not really there. Youre busy thinking about where you have to go next and how much gas has gone up since you last filled up and what day does this bill come out of my account and am I gonna have enough to cover rent if I book this and that day off. I dont know if thats that way it is with everyone..but thats just what im finding in myself and those around me. theres just too much going on and not enough time to do it all .....so you choose those that are closest to your heart but theres still never enough money to do everything you want to do. and its not about making money ...cuz thats really no help .....the more you make the more you have to worry about ..its just that the money you do have that youd like to put towards things like visiting people you havent seen in forever and going on missions trips or (dare i say) actually take week off and do what you wanna do (in my case go to nashville and visit my friends of starfield) but then you think well thats selfish. if Im going to put money out for that I might as well be sponsoring a child or feeeding a country or rescuing victims of hurricane Katrina or somehting worthwhile and honorable like that. I dont know...I've just been finding that life is a catch 22. and yes I know God will provide and He does and totally has. I would just like to be able to, for once, do all these grande things that have been floating around in my head for years without feeling guilty about it or having to worry about everything else in the mean time. that it would just be taken care of. Ya know cuz really what is a trip if YOU are not really there. Your body can be there but if your mind is back on all your respnsibilities then youre not going be in the moment and enjoy what you've worked so hard for. anyway im rambling and repeating myself so I should go..I just thought I should update cuz I havnt; in so long but I realize now that thats kinda pointless too if you don;t really have anything to say. Anyway im done now...talk to you all later.