I got to go to my grandma and grandpas (and yes I deserted you Susan Im sorry) but it was fun...and peacful...I love their house...cuz its so homey .....sure its old and mostly falling apart and in a town that only had a bar and a garage but its where I grew up and its home to me and theres a huge comfort in that for me. I got there saturday night after work ..and we had a campfire again. Roasted a weiner ....havnt had one of those in a long time.......well of course I didnt actually go outside until after I had talked to Susan for a good long time...and then Mrs Berg ..and then Susan again....and then I finally got outside...and then my sister called ..but that was okay too ..then the next day we went to the pentecostal church for their service...which was nice because noramally we go to the United and i really don't enjoy it that much....then we went home ate some dinner and drove to Elrose..where my Gramps was singing....His group is called Welcome Valley Express and theyre really good...at least I think so...I'm really happy that my grandpa is getting to be involved in stuff like that ....and enjoying it too..Im really proud of him. then we went from there to clearwater lake....where we hung out and had a picnic supper of cold beef sandwiches and a bunch of fruit and goodies that my mom brought....oh yeah i forgot to mention that my mom and Dustin and Cassidy and Casey met us at Elrose to also see WVE perform and then we carpooled to the lake. it was fun and relaxing ..and it brought back a lot of old memories. Anyway we packed up and headed back to Wiseton at 9 or so I belive and had another bonfire. And I started on my mountain of laundry. and then we all headed to bed at about 2:30 in the morning. then Monday we got up ate breafast I continued on with thelaundry and we got to visit some more......and hung out around the house....then we went to the bar for a pop at about 430...came back got supper ready ....finished my laundry.....packed up ..ate ...had tea and each vehicle headed on their merry way in opposite directions back to their homes....I arrived just in time to miss that 70s show...but Susan wrote down the funniest part for me.....and was more than happy to re-ennact(sp?) it. so yeah that was my weekend.oh yeah ..and I had the worst allergies in the world sunday and monday and yesterday couldnt breathe at all....today im still feeling mostly crappy ....but im breathing a bit so that a bonus. oh yeah and we got to go into our old house in wiseton on monday afternoon ..that was weird. kinda sad.....mostly wierd.....just to think that I grew up there and I already havnt lived there for almost 6 years. crazy. Anyway Im done now...still dont know whats for supper..should go decied that and then be on our way to doing somehting constructive.....or at least get out of the house......
link | posted by Norma Jean at 5:14 PM3 comments
Any suggestions?.....yeah..its not that there is a lack of food. but there is a lack of inspiration to create appealing food. well there is also a lack of effort and motivation to get inspired but thats a whole different story. It would be interesting to have a butler for a day. don't you think?.....well me and Susan do..and thats really all that matters.....lol. Anyway ..theres not really a point to this blog really ........but yeah ..so thats it...im done now....
link | posted by Norma Jean at 5:08 PM2 comments
what is mustard made of?......now that wouldn't be so random if you weren;t in the middle of talking about weddings and such. it made me chuckle alot .....Brian from washington would just shake his head and say "man....rannnndom!"....yeah we know get used to it. seriously if you were a fly on the wall of our appartment you would most likely be disturbed or at the very most traumatized. We both talk a zillion miles an hour at the same time and still understand every word. and even the words we don;t say or the words we say that weren;t even close to the ones we meant. oh yeah and by we and i referring to me and my amazing roomate. she really is the greatest. You know how, before, i was like I don't even know why I'm here...well I still don't really know the exact purpose, but if nothing else, God gave me an amazingly bestest best friend when I was really lacking in the friend department ( true and dependable friends.) and now we're stuck with eachother for life we have no choice but thats not a bad thing. ;) right suz. anyway having all my "best" friends turn their backs on me taught me to rely on God and that was a good thing .......I still struggle with trust but its getting better. I mean how could you not trust someone who saved you at birth and has had His hand guiding your life the whole time...even through the hard times. and you know I always thought no one should have to go through some of the crap that i've gone through but at the same time its that stuff that makes me who I am ....and it could always be worse. moving on to the singleness department...well I have restored faith that God has someone perfect out there just for me .....well I still don't know how much "I" believe it but Susan is adamanant so I guess thats that :P right Suz? also ..if i wasn't single I wouldnt have to pump my own gas or add oil to my ever leaking sh*tmobile....and those are things that I likley would've never done otherwise. and I wouldnt know that automatic transmission fluid can be substituted for power steering fluid and its a lot cheaper. and theres so much more that I want to do ..........and I want to have something to offer a guy....like really....where it stands right now ..I don't have much ....and when a guy could have anyone he wants why would he pick someone that can;t even pump gas or balance a checkbook...both of which i'm very good at ..but you know what I mean ..in this day and age every girl can do everything and is everything to everyone. and has a degree for absolutely everything ..while I sit mostly content working at Tim Hortons with no desire to get a degree.....really.....school is not my thing and I hate feeling like a loser for that .....I wish it was back in the good ol days when you actually had a choice to go to school and it was just as honorable to make a living at a minimum wage job as it was to get a degree and be a professional student. now Im ranting I guess. But yeah ..I gotta get my ducks in a line before I can even think about getting married. I need to have something to offer..I need to be a woman that my husband will be proud of ....not just tolerate me because he has no choice. anyway ...yeah thats that for now I guess...I need to go call my gramma......I havn''t talked to her in forever......and I miss her lots.....anyway ...thanks for reading and commenting. later.
link | posted by Norma Jean at 5:50 PM1 comments
So I realize that I haven't posted in a very long time. and I apologize. I really have no excuse. But here it is. So the title of my blog refers to two friends of mine who are dating. One of which I dated (also the one I don't know if I can really refer to as a friend) cuz friends generally talk to eachother out of necesity and desire to catch up rather than obligation to be civil. Anyway ....the reason for my question is that I went on a date with them last week and I actually had a really good time. well,m I mean, there should be no reason not to cuz we're all supposedly friends, right?. I adore the girl ....trust me I tried to dislike her and I just couldn't even pull it off. I consider her a really good friend. My only issue with her is that she's fit right into the family and no thats not a bad thing, not at all, I'm very happy for her. My issue is that I was there first and for a lot longer and I didn't feel that welcome. I felt like I never really had a place ya know. I guess its cuz I really didn't. which is really sad. I've been realizing that this is something I'm really struggling to get over. I just cannot accept that God would allow me to waste this many years of my life on one person and have him not be the one. Not that I want him to be. I just feel like I put so much of my life into the relationship that I at least deserve an explaination or an answer or a place to at least still be a friend. I'm just sick of seeing the rest of the universe falling in love and dreams coming true and all that......its like I'm on the outside looking in ....life is passing me by. and I'm even more sick of those same people telling me ...."you're chance will come just trust God my dear." blech. its as maddening to hear as "it was just their time" at a funeral...both statments may be very true but its still not what you want to hear. you know what I mean. I guess my most pressing still unanswered question is: why was I not good enough? I've asked it many times and never get the answer. The subject always gets changed.....brushed aside. I get the reply..."let go(or suck it up get over it..you know all those alternatives) the past is the past .....Christians are supposed to forgive" and those on the outside say "its not that you weren't good enough you were too good. God's got someone soooo much better for you" ..and blah blah blah. whatever. and I think if thats the case then I should feel sorry for the poor girl who ends up with him.....but thats totally not the case...cuz he's gonna be the most amazing husband and father and all those things ever becuase he loves her. and if he didn't even love me and I couldn't keep him interested I don't stand the slightest chance of that with someone "better"! Its as simple as that....he just didn't love me....but why. Of course its easy for him to move on and get over it....he had nothing really invested. I, on the other hand, thought I was going to spend the rest of my life loving this person ..so needless to say I was (or maybe still am) a little lost now that thats not gonna happen. how could I have not known so much sooner ya know. I could've saved myself so much pain.
and so much time. God could've just spoken to me too...that would've been easier as well. Maybe He did but I just didn't hear...thats the more likely option ... cuz I didn't even know what discernment was until a year after we broke up ....which is kind of a scary thought. although I did know enough to eventually get out and realize that having to compete for the attention, let alone the love, of soemone who supposedly loves you, is no way to live your life. well this is quite a crappy blog. Im contemplating deleting all of it but that would be such a waste of time and effort and if I don't blog again now I may not for another month or so ....so yeah....anyway ..sorry to bore you to tears.....I'll try to be more interesting next time. take care..thanx for reading .....if you read this...do comment please...or don't ....whatever floats your boat. yeah ....gotta go .....bye.
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